Why Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) is Essential for Pre-Teen and Teenage Boys
- Give N' Grow
- Mar 9
- 5 min read
In our recent SEL Series episode of the Give N' Grow Podcast, Social Emotional Learning Coordinator and educator Nicholas Hardy shared his insights on how to foster social-emotional learning (SEL) among pre-teen and teenage boys. From understanding the importance of bringing one's authentic self into teaching and parenting to the role of structured and unstructured play in building emotional regulation, there were many valuable takeaways for parents and teachers alike. Let’s dive into these lessons and explore how we can apply them in everyday life.
The Importance of SEL for Pre-Teen and Teenage Boys
Adolescence is a pivotal time for emotional development, and it’s especially important for pre-teen and teenage boys to develop strong social-emotional skills. Boys often face unique challenges during this period, and if these challenges are not addressed, they can lead to long-term struggles in relationships, emotional regulation, and even academic performance.
According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), boys between the ages of 11 and 17 are more likely to externalize their emotions through behaviors such as aggression, withdrawal, and risk-taking. Research also indicates that boys, particularly in their pre-teen and teenage years, are less likely than girls to talk about their emotions, which can lead to difficulties with self-regulation and social interactions. A study published in the journal "Developmental Psychology" found that boys who receive fewer opportunities to develop emotional intelligence during adolescence are at higher risk of experiencing depression and engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.
It’s clear that pre-teen and teenage boys need strong SEL skills to help them navigate this challenging stage in their development. These skills will not only support their emotional well-being but also improve their academic success and interpersonal relationships.
Bringing Yourself Into the Classroom: The Power of Authenticity
One of Nicholas’s key points was the importance of being your authentic self when working with students. Rather than trying to always remain “perfect” or “hardened,” he advocates for showing students that teachers, just like them, are human. By being transparent and honest about your own struggles, you build a bridge of trust with students, making them feel more comfortable to share their own experiences.
This is especially important for pre-teen and teenage boys who may feel pressure to conform to societal expectations of masculinity, which can often suppress emotional expression. When teachers and parents model emotional vulnerability, it helps break down these barriers and makes it easier for boys to open up about their feelings.
Call to Action:
For Teachers: Share your feelings with your students. Let them know when you’re having a tough day and that you're still there for them. This creates a sense of shared humanity and opens up opportunities for students to feel seen and understood.
For Parents: Share your own experiences with your child. Let them know you face challenges too, but together, you can overcome them.
Playtime's Role in Social-Emotional Development: Structured vs. Unstructured Play
Nicholas also discussed the role of both structured and unstructured play in developing social-emotional skills. Organized sports, for instance, teach boys to manage their emotions and communicate effectively, even in chaotic or competitive environments. Unstructured play, on the other hand, helps children practice empathy and self-awareness as they navigate physical play and group dynamics. However, when emotions run high, it’s essential to guide them toward positive communication.
A study from The American Psychological Association revealed that boys who participate in organized sports demonstrate higher levels of self-control and emotional regulation. Conversely, boys who engage in more unstructured, free play with peers can improve their social skills and empathy as they navigate real-world social situations.
Call to Action:
For Teachers: Incorporate communication lessons into team sports or group activities. Teach students to express themselves calmly, even when they’re frustrated. Role-play scenarios where students need to share concerns or praise in a respectful way.
For Parents: Use everyday moments to model effective communication. When frustrations arise at home, take a breath and show how to address issues without yelling or becoming overly emotional.
Navigating Self-Awareness in Social Situations
Whether in organized sports or unstructured play, Nicholas highlights the importance of self-awareness. Students need to learn how their actions impact others, and part of that process is knowing when their behavior is inclusive or excluding others. Teachers and parents alike can help boys reflect on their actions and understand the broader social dynamics at play.
The Journal of Early Adolescence found that boys who develop strong self-awareness during their pre-teen years are less likely to engage in harmful behaviors like bullying or social exclusion. Self-awareness also leads to better decision-making and healthier peer relationships.
Call to Action:
For Teachers: Supervise unstructured playtime to help students navigate their interactions. Encourage them to recognize how their behavior affects others and promote inclusive play.
For Parents: Observe your child’s interactions with friends or siblings. Help them identify moments where they could be more considerate or inclusive of others’ feelings.
Patience and Active Listening: Creating a Space for Emotional Growth
A key component of social-emotional learning is simply listening—really listening—to the students or children you work with. Nicholas emphasized that students need to be heard, especially when they are facing emotional challenges. Instead of rushing to offer solutions, adults can create a space for boys to process their feelings and come to their own conclusions. This requires patience but yields positive emotional growth.
A study from The Child Mind Institute found that boys who feel listened to and validated by adults are more likely to develop healthy coping strategies and stronger emotional regulation. This active listening fosters trust and helps boys feel more confident in expressing their emotions.
Call to Action:
For Teachers: Practice active listening with your students. When a student is struggling, simply listen without rushing to offer solutions. This builds trust and helps students feel validated.
For Parents: When your child opens up, resist the urge to solve their problems immediately. Show them that their feelings matter by listening closely and asking questions that help them explore their own solutions.
Social-Emotional Learning Resources: Tools for Teachers and Parents
Finally, Nicholas recommended resources that can aid teachers and parents in fostering SEL. One such resource is Executive Functions in the Classroom by Mitch Weathers. This book breaks down strategies to improve executive functioning skills—key components of social-emotional development. It also helps teachers recognize unintentional behaviors that could be harmful to students’ emotional growth.
For parents, resources like Raising Boys by Design by Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. and Michael Gurian focus on helping parents raise emotionally intelligent boys, while The Social-Emotional Learning Toolkit by Megan O’Rourke provides practical activities to engage boys in SEL development at home.
Call to Action:
For Teachers: Explore books and materials that focus on SEL and executive functioning. A great starting point is Executive Functions in the Classroom by Mitch Weathers. These resources can guide you in supporting students' emotional and social growth.
For Parents: Look for books or online resources that focus on emotional intelligence and self-regulation. Consider reading them together to spark important conversations with your child.
Conclusion: Fostering an Emotionally Intelligent Generation
By integrating these strategies into your daily interactions with pre-teen and teenage boys, you’ll be setting the foundation for a more empathetic, emotionally aware, and resilient generation. SEL not only benefits boys during their adolescent years but provides lifelong advantages in their relationships, academic pursuits, and overall mental health. Start small with one or two of these steps, and watch how they foster a more emotionally intelligent and supportive environment for everyone. Remember, small actions lead to big changes!