Raising Resilient Kids: Social-Emotional Learning Starts at Home

In a world where academic achievement often takes center stage, Bernadette Pigeon—a psychologist and parent—reminds us that a child’s social and emotional wellbeing is just as critical. In a recent conversation on The Give N' Grow Podcast, she shared actionable insights and candid stories about raising emotionally resilient children, teaching social skills, and coping with the messy realities of parenting.

“The learning is going to happen. It’s the social stuff that I want to hear about… because that’s ultimately what is going to impact them as they get older and older.”

Watch the whole podcast here or if you're busy select the topics you're most interested in from the video progress bar at the bottom of the video.

Emotional Regulation: Mad is Okay, Mean is Not

One of the most powerful frameworks discussed is helping kids differentiate between being angry and being unkind.

“You're allowed to get mad. You're not allowed to get mean.”

This simple, memorable phrase helps children—and adults—normalize feelings of anger while setting clear boundaries around behavior. Research in child development supports this idea: teaching children to recognize and regulate emotions has been linked to better academic performance, improved relationships, and reduced behavioral issues (Denham et al., 2012).

Bernadette emphasizes not addressing conflict in the heat of the moment. Instead, wait until everyone is calm and then reflect together.

“We problem solve later. When everyone is not mad, including ourselves.”

By guiding kids through reflective questions like, “Where do you want to go when you’re mad?” or “Do you want me to talk to you or give you space?” parents empower kids to choose constructive coping strategies.

Confidence Without Perfectionism

Another theme is helping kids build authentic self-esteem—not by empty praise, but by reinforcing process over outcome.

“I don’t praise too much like how smart they are. I praise how hard they're working… or the colors they chose, even if I wouldn’t have chosen them.”

This aligns with research from Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, who found that praising effort rather than intelligence cultivates a “growth mindset,” which helps kids persevere through challenges.

Prepare, Don’t Just Repair

One of the most effective parenting tools discussed is “upstream” preparation—talking through tricky social scenarios before they happen. Starting a new school year? Practice how to approach new classmates. Worried about rejection? Role-play how to handle it.

“Not everybody’s going to want to be your friend. That’s the reality of it… So how can we accept that and move forward without dwelling on it?”

By normalizing these difficult experiences, children learn not to personalize rejection and are better prepared to handle adversity with resilience.

Grace for Grown-Ups

Parenting isn’t just about supporting kids—it’s also about supporting ourselves. Bernadette speaks candidly about letting go of internal “to-do lists” during emotionally charged moments.

“What can I drop off this agenda in my head to deal with this situation and calm myself down?”

This practice of self-regulation and giving ourselves grace is essential. When parents model emotional control and prioritize connection over productivity, children benefit directly.

Communication is the Glue

The final message is clear: consistent communication among all adults in a child’s life—parents, teachers, coaches—is vital.

“We live in the same house and we parent completely differently—and that’s okay… but we’re communicating.”

Children are incredibly adaptable, and they can thrive under different adult styles—so long as those adults are aligned, informed, and supportive.

Final Thoughts

Social-emotional learning isn't just something taught in classrooms—it's lived daily through conversations, choices, and relationships. As Bernadette shares, when parents and educators focus on emotional intelligence and open communication, children grow up with the tools to face challenges confidently, connect meaningfully, and regulate emotions effectively.

Links & Resources

• Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset Research https://www.mindsetworks.com/science/

• CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning) https://casel.org/

• Research on Emotional Regulation in Children Denham, S. A., et al. (2012). "Preschool emotional competence: Pathway to social competence?" https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2012.03.005

• Email contact for Bernadette: b4pigeon4@gmail.com