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From Tantrums to Trust: Using SEL to Raise Strong, Kind Kids

Updated: Apr 29

As parents and educators, we all strive to raise children who are emotionally healthy, resilient, and equipped to navigate the challenges of life. But how do we support kids in developing these essential social and emotional skills? One of the most effective tools we have is Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) – intentional programming and practices that help children manage their emotions, develop healthy relationships, and make responsible decisions.


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In a recent podcast with April Neville Graham, a mental health coordinator and school counselor, we discussed powerful insights on how parents and teachers can foster these skills in kids, from deep breathing exercises to building emotional vocabulary. In this article, we’ll break down the key takeaways and provide practical tips for supporting your child’s emotional growth.


Why SEL Matters


Social-Emotional Learning isn’t just about supporting students' academic success – it’s about preparing kids to face life's ups and downs with confidence and emotional intelligence. April emphasizes that every child goes at their own pace, and that's okay. Just as students may struggle in subjects like math or reading, the same can happen with emotional skills. SEL is a critical component of helping children catch up and thrive.


Starting with the School


When parents notice signs that their child is struggling with social-emotional skills, the school is often the best place to begin seeking help. April recommends reaching out to teachers and school counselors for support. Schools are equipped with resources to assist children in developing these vital skills, and teachers are often already aware of any concerns. Parents can request meetings to discuss how the child is doing socially and emotionally, and how best to support them.


“The school wants the same thing that you do, and that is your child's success.”

Starting the conversation with the teacher can often lead to the school counselor becoming involved. Counselors can provide SEL training, or they can connect families to community resources.


Tips for Parents Struggling to Ask for Support


For some parents, reaching out for help may feel daunting, especially if they have had negative experiences with schools themselves. April encourages parents to push through that discomfort for the sake of their child’s well-being. Everyone in the school system wants to see the child succeed, and there are many resources available – sometimes even beyond the school, at the district level.


“It’s okay to be afraid, right? We’re talking about social emotional learning. And that’s part of that – moving through our fears, moving through adversity.”

Modeling Healthy Emotional Responses


One of the most impactful takeaways from April’s conversation was the importance of modeling emotional regulation for children. Kids often mimic the emotional responses they see from adults. If a parent responds to frustration by slamming doors or shouting, children may learn to do the same. Instead, parents can model healthy emotional expression by acknowledging their own feelings and using strategies like deep breathing.


“Parents, your kids are watching you. Whatever you model for them, they are going to do.”

Deep breathing techniques, like blowing out a candle or smelling a flower, are simple but effective ways to help children manage big emotions. Teaching kids to recognize when they are angry or frustrated and guiding them through deep breathing exercises can help them gain control of their feelings. By showing your child how to respond calmly, you teach them that they can navigate tough emotions in a positive way.


Creating a Safe Space for Emotional Growth


A key part of teaching kids how to handle big emotions is to create a safe emotional space in your home. This could be a physical space where kids can go to calm down, complete with sensory tools like fidgets, books, or stuffed animals. These items help children associate the space with comfort and peace, promoting emotional regulation.


“Create a safe space in your home where no matter who it is, you have a corner, you have some tools there – whether it's fidgets, your favorite animal, a book.”

Additionally, visual aids – like posters showing different facial expressions corresponding to various emotions – can help children build their emotional vocabulary. Instead of just saying “I’m mad,” they can identify whether they are frustrated, disappointed, or irritable. This vocabulary expansion can be especially helpful for younger kids, who might struggle to articulate their feelings.


“The visual aids can just help build their vocabulary, but also get them to be a little more aware when they’re working with other people.”

Encouraging Growth Through Mistakes


Finally, April shared an important message for parents about self-compassion:


“We are not perfect. If we were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Just be kind to yourself, give yourself grace. The fact that you're trying is enough.”

Parenting is not about being perfect; it's about learning, growing, and trying again. When parents slip up or feel overwhelmed, it’s important to remember that these moments are learning experiences. Mistakes are part of the journey, and the effort to improve will be evident to your children. When parents show resilience in handling their own emotions, kids learn that it's okay to struggle and that perseverance leads to growth.


Conclusion


Raising emotionally healthy children is a process that requires patience, support, and dedication. By embracing Social-Emotional Learning, modeling emotional regulation, and creating safe spaces for expression, parents and teachers can help children develop the tools they need to navigate the world with empathy and resilience. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and every step forward is progress.


As April said:

“Your child's experiences don't have to be yours. They can be better and improved.”

By learning alongside our kids and prioritizing their emotional development, we can break cycles, promote healthier interactions, and ultimately raise children who are not just academically successful but emotionally well-equipped to thrive.


RESOURCE LINKS


Visual Aids for Emotions


Calm Down Spaces


Breathing Techniques

Contact April Graham

We Help Elementary Schools Meet SEL Goals With Movement, Music and Mindfulness Programs

Our virtual assembly has boosted the mental health of 60,000+ students and supported the SEL objectives of 80+ elementary schools nationwide. We'd love to collaborate with your school next!

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